The pub

This place has been my Friday hangout for ages now. That table over there is where my friends have partied with me since then. Wondering why I am not sitting there with my friends? Well today is Saturday, so none of my friends are here.

(some group of friends talking at that at table)
“Hey guys enjoy its on me today. I am very happy. Hey why are you drinking soda? When did you quit alcohol?”
“I have not quit. Who will drive you guys back if all of us are drunk? Today is dry day for me.”
“Good thinking. May you always get such good thoughts.”

I have been going through a really tough time. To make things worse, I had a fight with her last week. Fights are not unusual between us, we keep fighting on a daily basis. But the bottom line is that we both love each other. It was hard for our friends to believe it initially since we both have pretty much nothing in common. She was a topper in college, and my name would be in top only if the list was alphabetic in order. She is hardly interested in sports, I have spent most of my life playing. She likes eating in classy place but as for me there is nothing to beat road side chats and darshinis. For her trip is a well planned and organized stay at some resort, I go to the bus stand, catch the first bus out and make a trip. She loathes alcohol, and me, well I have already told you that this pub is my favourite hang out. I was allowed only one cocktail a month during our dinners, and she chose the ones with minimum percentage of alcohol. But why else was the concept of ‘tips’ introduced? A good tip to a friendly waiter can easily change your drink, unnoticed by your partner. I loved pranks and she was the serious one. She was beautiful, and me, handsome or not, she was with me and I care for nothing else… I can go on and on about this for hours. But let me not deviate. The point is that in spite of all our differences we were together. Because that is where love comes into picture. Neither of us are perfect, we have to make each other’s lives perfect.
Now, where was I? oh yes, the tough time and the fight. Let me get back there…. The fight. She wanted us to get married as soon as possible. And I did not have the courage and heart to tell her about my bank balance, which had been null for months now. Null is still better, but off-late it has been in negatives. And so she came to a “no-talk, no meet until you take the big decision” stance with me.

But sometimes in life right when you feel that the tunnel is endless, you come across a small opening. Right when we thought that were fighting a hopeless battle to strike some major deal for our company, one of my friend was successful in getting a deal. Finally the ship which was meant to sail got a chance to experience the deep waters. I was eager to meet her and tell her the good news and also tell her my “big decision”. But it was a Friday. And as usual we were here.

Sometimes in life when happiness comes your way, you do something foolish and drive it away…. That s what I did that gloomy day….

Hmmmm. You know what? This is a really lucky bunch of friends. They have at least one guy responsible enough to think about driving everyone back home safely. I have no rights to blame my friends as I myself did not take that initiative. “If”… it is just a 2 lettered word, “but” a 3 lettered word, and our life is full of “if”s and “but”s. ‘If’ I had someone responsible enough to stay dry that night, I would not here telling you this story. I would have been with her having dinner at a place of her choice and fighting over some trivial stuff. ‘If’…. If I somehow get a chance to go back in time, same place, that ominous day, I would not even touch alcohol. Not just alcohol, I am indeed ready to do anything to go back in time and undo what have done. I am even ready to do anything to get a chance meet her one last time. Look at her, feel her. Anything….

Yeah that’s right. I guess the alcohol level in my blood was more than what my body permitted me to have such that it still performed close to normal. That night I thought that I would be lucky if I do not get caught by police. But now to think about it, I think I ran out of luck that night, and did not get caught by police.
I was high, the happiness made me more high. To add to it I was talking over the cell phone while I was driving. I had almost reached her house. It happened within a flash. It was over before I even realized what was happening. When I cut the call and looked back at the road I noticed that there was a female, a couple of meters ahead of my car and suddenly I lost control. I tried to avoid her. I did my best to avoid her. And a bang!!! Later at the hospital I came to know that the female was her, and that I can never tell her my “big decision”.

It all feels like a dream now. I wish I could wake up and get out of the dream. But I know that it is not a dream I know that it has really happened, and I am happy that it happened. I know that it is not a dream because in our world we do not dream, we do not sleep. I hit head-on to an oncoming heavy vehicle while trying to avoid her and was gone on the spot…